Beautiful Burden
by Alaynna
Summary: Sound life had hardened her. Her love’s indifference to her had hardened her even more. And yet, there were still tears left in her, a miracle certainly more significant than even explicable. SasuSaku/AU/oneshot


"_Baka_."

It was the first time the girl had ever called that boy such a thing. At least, to his face. But as she dropped to her knees next to him, she found no other word suitable for the occasion.

"You could've waited for me, you know. I could've helped more than you think. I was only a few minutes behind you, and I know _he_ wouldn't have gone anywhere."

There was no answer. She didn't expect one. She had passed his "Hn" allowance eons ago.

So she kept on talking.

"I've become stronger, haven't I?" She listened to his unspoken words and laughed. "No, not compared to you. Never compared to you, Sasuke-kun. But nonetheless, in these past years, after you let me come with you out of Konoha and help you on your quest, I never expected to be what I am now. Orochimaru didn't want to let me join, but you made him. Heh. Do you remember?"

She took his silence for a yes. She brought her knees up to her chest, a childlike mannerism uncharacteristic of a hardened nuke-nin who'd been as much tortured as trained to become the perfect, heartless murderer she was now.

She turned her attention to his side and picked up his katana. Taking a piece of fabric from her already-ruined Sound uniform, she used the sword to nick off the scrap and wiped the blood off his long, majestic blade with it.

"Your sword has been thirsting for your brother's blood for many years," she said quietly, looking at it. "And now it's been satiated. You did it. You killed him." She touched him gently, a congratulatory gesture that he allowed for the moment.

The tears that suddenly crawled up her throat and out her eyes were so abrupt that it almost startled her to feel liquid pouring down her sallow cheeks. The salt from them stung her facial cuts from her battle with one of the Atkatsuki, but the pink-haired kunoichi hardly ever felt any pain anymore.

She laughed hollowly at the briny fluid. Her laugh had been a much prettier sound in Konoha. It had ceased to be true and filled with joy since about a few weeks after leaving Konoha to be with her "love," the "love" who'd she'd expected to care for her in the terrifying Sound base they'd been sent to, the "love" from whom she'd expected respect and admiration for her devotion to him, and the "love" from whom she'd received nothing but continued derision and scorn, even when she'd shocked all of Orochimaru's followers by surpassing Kabuto, her medical-nin teacher, and teaching herself precise control of her chakra in attacks. The cause of her dedication to training was simple, really.

Sound life had hardened her. Her love's indifference to her had hardened her even more.

And yet, there were still tears left in her, a miracle certainly more significant than even explicable.

"Nnn. I'm still crying somehow, Sasuke-kun. Even after all these years. Silly, huh? Of course, everything I do is silly to you. Oh, wait, that's not the right word. It's _annoying_. Annoying and weak."

She laughed again, the harsh noise comparable to the sound of something breaking. Maybe that had been her heart. That is, what was left of it. After the snake man had decided that maybe the weak, pink-haired kunoichi hadn't been as worthless as he'd first surmised, he'd set her to work on missions. The first assassination had been hard. The second, difficult. The seventeenth, easy as pie. The only problem was, the once-Leaf-nin had lost something along the way.

She'd seen the kyuubi boy once since she'd left, five years ago. It had been accidental. She'd been in the Sand Village during an assassination mission. He'd been visiting the Kazekage. Aside from the fact that she'd been disguised very thoroughly, she'd expected the golden-haired, sweet-eyed nin to recognize her, even a little. But they'd inadvertently looked each other eye-to-eye, and he'd not had even a glimmer of recognition. Something had so radically changed about her that not even her former teammate realized who she was.

"Well. I'm sorry for being so weak, Sasuke-kun. And in a way, I'm sorry that I ever followed you out of the village. I'm sorry for all the people I've killed, and I'm sorry for the monster I am."

There was no reply, something that struck the girl deep in her heart. He was letting her go on and on, and yet, he couldn't even say one word. She curled herself up even tighter, hugging her legs like she'd longed to be embraced since she'd begun serving the snake man.

"You were cruel to me. You let me become what I am today. You…you _hurt_ me. And yet…

"You know what I'm going to say, don't you?" She laughed again, tiny flecks of blood passing through her lips to accompany the bitterness in her voice. "That even through all of that, even though I regret that day that I became a nuke-nin…I still…oh, _kuso_, I still…"

She swallowed. She found breathing so much more difficult at that moment, the rusty blood notwithstanding, as she tried to suppress the racking sobs that were somehow welling up in her throat even then.

"I still love you, Sasuke-kun. With all of my heart, I still love you. I always will."

Removing her gloves, she reached out and brushed strands of ebony hair away from his closed eyes. He didn't move. He wasn't listening, she thought. Even so, it was a miracle that he'd let her speak so much.

"Maybe somehow, deep down, my words will reach you. Because I've been carrying them for years now, Sasuke-kun. It's my beautiful burden. And now, I've lessened it."

She touched the hand that was rapidly becoming colder. Blood trickled from her hand onto his. Her blood.

"I don't have much time, but I needed you to hear that, all right? I won't be weak this time. I'll be strong for you."

With that, she reached down with glowing green fingers and pressed them against his stomach. Nearly-black blood welled up around her hands, but she ignored it. She'd seen worse. She'd been in worse. She'd inflicted worse.

And yet, at that moment, the girl felt something. Something more real than the nightmarish delusion she'd been living in for the past few years. It was like a stream of warm water flowing through snow, a beautiful release that made her breath escape her lips in gratitude.

Closing her eyes one more time, she began to heal.

* * *

_I don't know why, but I can't stop loving you…_

_I would bear you, my beautiful burden, for all of time…_

* * *

The scene has shifted. The moment of the heroine has passed. The moment of the villain has come.

Time itself has passed. Maybe it has been hours, maybe mere minutes. The aura, however, has changed, and you will come to realize exactly what you have done.

You awake slowly and in a very confused manner. What just happened? The last thing you remembered was fighting your brother. You hit a lethal strike on him with the Chidori, but at the same moment, Itachi stabbed you through the stomach, also a fatal blow. All you can recall is smiling dazedly, tiredly, for the first time since you've been in Orochimaru's base, before everything going black. In truth, you didn't expected to wake up again.

Why are you alive now?

You sit up carefully. Your head is throbbing. Glancing down at your stomach, you find that your wound has been completely healed. There is nothing left, not even a scar. Upon closer examination, you find that every wound you've received has disappeared.

"Impossible," you murmur. The only one who would willingly heal you is Sakura. Kabuto is out of the question. The silver-haired medic hates you for being so close to Orochimaru and taking his spot. If Kabuto had come upon you, —which is highly unlikely, you smirk,— he would've let you die. Even more likely, he would have finished you off himself.

That leaves Sakura, but it is also a puzzling matter. She had been on your trail, you know. She probably is angry that you left her with Kisame and fought Itachi by yourself. She's always pleaded with you to let her help you, even after she's become less weak. And you've ignored her, like always.

You pull yourself out of your reverie. Sakura's pathetic sniveling is not your concern in the least. The main question is this situation you are in.

You look around. If Sakura truly healed you, she would have stayed to make sure you were all right. She would've kept on doctoring you. So where is she?

Your Sharingan swirls on, and your keen senses detect someone's recent movement. Your ears hear nothing for a long time. And then, you notice it…the sound of someone dying.

You don't even have to guess. You know instantly. You stand very slowly, almost not wanting to take another step forward. But you know you had to, teme. You owe her that much.

Moving quietly, you step into the trees.

You find her very quickly and stand over her, examining the scene. It is obvious from the markings around her that she tried to walk, and then had fallen. From there, she proceeded to drag herself further, until she exhausted herself completely. She then used all of her remaining energy to roll onto her back, where she now lies staring at the sky with dimming viridian orbs. At long last, Sakura's eyes flick towards you almost blindly. A sardonic smile purses her full and tempting lips into something that somehow manages to wrench what is left of your heart, you cold, wretched thing.

She murmurs something that you don't catch.

"Sakura?"

She smiles at you faintly and repeats in the barest of whispers, "…just…few more…minutes. Didn't want…you…see me…die…" Her eyes close, and your pulse quickens, but you can't help your heart rate. You drop to your knees at her side automatically. It is almost as if you yourself indeed died and your body is an animated corpse, moving all on its own, doing what it has always clandestinely longed to do.

She smiles at you mockingly and murmurs, "'cause…it's…weak, to die…isn't it, Sasuke?"

Your Sharingan, still activated, takes in Sakura's state quickly. Why is she dying? Her wounds are numerous, but not deep enough to kill her. She still has blood in her veins, and there is no poison in her body. And then you see the answer.

Fatal chakra depletion.

She fought hard against Kisame in her battle, and then, rather than herself, she chose to heal you of your extensive wounds that likely would've drained her even if she'd been fresh. In her state…

Two green eyes stare at you and through you coolly, frozen bits of apple orb.

"Tried…to be strong…" she's whispering. "Tired, Sasuke. All it left me…very tired."

As you sit there next to the dying girl, a thought enters your head. Life has not been kind to Haruno Sakura. It cursed her with devotion for someone so averse to devotion. She deserved someone kinder, someone with love in his heart to give her. She hadn't deserved to die like this.

Her labored breathing is slowing, but the dread in your heart doesn't. This is a painful death, to be so drained of the very thing that keeps a person alive.

"…won't forget. No…regrets, Sasuke."

_No regrets_.

Can you say the same, Avenger? You have everything you wanted, don't you? You finally killed the man who brutally butchered your entire family. You are still alive and able to restore the Uchiha clan. So why do you have such a feeling of lament in your soul?

This girl means nothing to you. She insisted on coming along, which you granted heartlessly. If she meant anything to you at all, you would've forced her to stay in the village, where she had a future. But she doesn't mean that much to you that you would've saved her from this fate, so you let her come along. You saw a germ of potential in the kunoichi that you knew would serve you well later. So here she is, and indeed, she has served you well.

This is the story you tell yourself, anyways. Ever since she trotted after you so faithfully that dark, cold night, you've been good at fooling yourself, especially when it came to her.

Her breathing has almost stopped. As her eyes meet yours for just a moment longer, she doesn't say anything. She's already spoken everything she wished, and now it was ending. You know you should say something, but you just don't have the heart anymore.

Instead, you lean down and kiss her. As your lips meet, you convince yourself you are only rewarding Sakura for her services. It means nothing else. But as her breath stops coming at last and all the tension eases from her frame, terrible feelings well up in your chest, all your delusions ebb away, and you realize something you should've realized long ago on the night she trotted after you so faithfully.

She's your beautiful burden. Always has been, and now, always will be. There's no denying it, not now, nor is there any changing it.

No regrets, Avenger? What will you do now that all the color has faded away from your world?


End file.
